I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
