I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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