stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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