as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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