It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
