Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
