how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I need to align my fucking chakras
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
