So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
