Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
