Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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