it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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