i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I smell stomach acid.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
