I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
