i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
