Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
