My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
