They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
