physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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