How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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