I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Drunk is not a location!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
