I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
