The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
