You just made me feel so damn special
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
