all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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