Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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