elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
