Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
