Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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