I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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