I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
