Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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