i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
