I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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