Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
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