your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
