I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
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