Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
