your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
