bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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