What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
