Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
