first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
