I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
