I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
