LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
