cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
