I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
