Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
