He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
