he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
