Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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