Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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